01.22.08

I'm not happy.

No, not entirely.

I have moments. Short lapses of time where we maybe eat sushi in bed, or we walk the city together. I just can't overlook the times I feel so low. When he's saying nasty things. That's not how you should treat someone you are "crazy about".

I'm just not used to that sort of thing -- bottom line. Brian never said anything mean to me. Not a direct attack like that.

So I just lie in a foreign bed, with unfamiliar sheets. I stare at the ceiling because I still don't know what the hell I'm doing. Or how the hell I'm feeling. If this is right. If Brian is completely resolved in my heart. If Bing is completely entered in my heart.

Being sure doesn't sound so dull anymore.