09.22.07

So it's been almost a week since I broke up with Brian. At first he was calling me and wanting to talk to me all the time, but that seems to have settled down.

Today he called me to tell me he has some of my "stuff" and when is a good time to bring it over?

I don't know why, but that message impacted me a lot. Like it's very official now. I hope I'm making the right decision. I don't know. What was I supposed to do? I'm not going to torture myself by clinging to a relationship where I'm not happy.

And forget Bing, at first it was like I sort of had feelings for him, but now it's more like I just want to get myself together. I didn't want to blurt out just yet that I was single, but he forced it out of me. So, now he knows. I'm trying to detect a difference in his attitude toward me, maybe a hint of interest in me? No luck so far.

Ah, fuck. I just feel so ousted from everything. No boyfriend. I sort of had it out at my job, so I don't feel comfortable there either. My friend Kim never got back to me on Friday night. And now instead of going to the city with Bing, we will be hanging out group style.

The ground is indeed shaky. I just keep saying that one horoscope over in my head as a sort of mantra.

Being sure is so dull,
Being sure is so dull.