09.11.07

"Stars favor you as you dance through precarious lines of reason and whimsical patterns. Being sure is so dull. Insatiable questioning leads to enlightenment."


That was yesterdays horoscope. I've got so much on my mind lately and feeling like I'm living a lie when I am with Brian.

I just don't know. And I haven't spoken of my feelings with anyone, so I can't get an opinion. Though any opinion I could get would most likely be biased.

I just keep remembering all the times I was laughing and he was not. All the times I was out and about and someone said "Where's Brian?" and I roll my eyes saying he didn't want to come. It's just sort of dawning on me how unlike me he is. How he just doesn't share my sense of humor.

I still don't know what to do. I'm just going to hang on for now and give my best fake smile.

But it's hard. I still care for him, but I just feel like my life is a bore. Even if I can't be with bing (like he would ever want me anyway), I feel like I need to just be free and crazy. Jaheez, I haven't even seen my best friend in forever!

Or maybe this is just a passing phase? I don't know! I'm just sort of waiting for some type of sign, for some signficant change to help me along. But will it ever come?